WE MADE IT!

January was quite possibly the worst month I've had in years. It was so shit I actually told myself it was an extended December because I couldn't understand how a brand new year could start so dire. Like, 2016 - how you gonna do me like that bruh?

I know I'm not the only one who experiences the January blues. We've all eaten crap so we feel crap (and look like crap but that might just be me) We're slightly poor, the weather is diabolical and quite frankly, if we could all vacate to the Bahamas and hide for a while we would.

I had a mental health wobble, bad news after bad news, a few set backs work wise, the flu also hit me a few days ago and I've just been experiencing a general spat or negativity. But hey, tomorrow is a new month and I can't wait to start over..

Im not expecting anything specifically outstanding from February, but I'm hoping to get my motivation back, some good news, exciting opportunities and to feel better health wise.

So guys, we made it. January is finally over and I couldn't be happier.

AVOCADO OF DREAMS ON DEAN ST

Yeaaaaah, I'm another blogger who's obsessed with avocado - so sue me, ok?!

I recently had a delicious breakfast with Loreal at Dean St Townhouse and it was a b s o l u t e l y divine. I've been here a few times now and I'm never disappointed. I always order the avocado on toast with a poached egg because its the bloody best and I can't get enough of it. Im not sure what the chef does to the avocado, but it honestly tastes so so good. I have a feeling its chilli & whole load of lemon juice but whatever it is, you must try it. Poached eggs cooked to perfection, wholemeal toast with a smack of butter and a glass of smooth orange juice - mornings made!

Honestly, if I could eat this arrangement every morning I would. I've heard the boiled eggs and soldiers are also pretty tasty.

HOW TO COPE WITH STRESS

Stress is real, its a thing that many of us go through, yet in my opinion is not taken seriously enough. I suffer pretty bad with it - more than I let on but I have found ways to cope that actually really help.

Get Outside

Sometimes a bit of fresh air does us the world of good. Most of us spend far too much time inside, whether that be because we work in an office or we work from home. Even just 10 mins of going outside can really help when you're feeling bogged down and under pressure.

Go For A Massage

Since late October I have been going for a massage or spa treatment at least every 6 weeks. I carry so much tension in my body, its important for that tension to be released. I really recommend visiting the Aveda Spa in Holbon. Ive had two holistic massages there so far and during both, I literally felt like I was floating, like all of my problems had melted away - it was really strange. After a good deep tissue massage I feel less stressed, really calm and like I could fall asleep at any moment. 

Breathe Slower

My therapist has made me aware just how important breathing is to the mind and body. If I'm stressed I try and breathe slower, take slightly deeper breaths and really listen to my body. You'll notice that when you're content and happy your breathing will be much more paced and relaxed - pay attention to how it is when your angry or stressed. Breathe girl!

Watch A Funny Film/TV Show

You've heard me say it before but I'm gonna say it again. The Big Bang Theory for me, makes everything better. It makes me laugh and whenever I watch it I feel a little bit more happy. Stick on your favourite film or show, whip up some popcorn and kick back.

Write Down Thoughts

I'm going through a little wobble with my mental health at the moment and I think it actually shows here on my blog. You'll notice that I've done a lot of reflective posts and have generally been a little more deep and slightly negative too. It really helps me if I write down my thoughts, some I keep private, others I share with my public diary - my blog. Its important to clear your head and get rid of any clutter you have. If you paint, paint your thoughts. If you sing, sing your thoughts. 

Do More Of What Makes You Happy

Its easier said than done but if something is making you stressed or making you unhappy, stop doing it. Obviously work stress is something we may not be able to avoid all the time, but if your stress is unnecessary - walk away, let it go or get rid of it.

Stress can lead to issues related with food and weight, anxiety and depression and other health problems. Don't ignore it!!!

A SPLASH OF RED!

Photo Credit: JKG PHOTOGRAPHY

Topshop Aviator Jacket (sold out)

Boohoo Jumper Dress*

River Island Snake Skin Boots (alternative)

Quay Sunglasses

NARS Matte Lip Crayon 'Cruella'

When in doubt, slap on some lippie and pout. I love this outfit. Its effortless but super chic! Wearing my hair in a messy top bun with a high neck jumper/dress is definitely a look I really enjoy. Chuck on some sunnies and you're good to go. Also, lets just talk about this jacket *insert shocked face*. Its sold out unfortunately but I've linked alternatives.

3 WAYS IM BETTERING MYSELF

Growth is really important to me and I'm becoming more and more aware of my flaws. Sometimes certain situations or reflecting on the past makes you want to become a better person. Its really bloody hard admitting that theres certain aspects of yourself that need some work or need changing but once you do, you're one step closer to bettering yourself.

Without being too hard on myself I wrote down a few things that I would like to change as I believe it will impact my personal growth positively. Here goes lol..

Stop Saying Yes

I tend to think I'm a robot who can do everything. I want to work hard, see my mates, go on work brunch meetings and all the stuff in between, but I'm human and I can't. I tend to say yes to please people, mainly my management and in the long run I end up unmotivated, tired and also pretty unwell. I don't have to go to 10 meetings a week to be successful and my friends won't hate me if I can't make dinner. Obviously finding a work/life balance is important but lets face it, I can't say yes to everything. 

Less Gossiping

Idle gossip and talking about other peoples downfalls is unproductive. Rumours are just that - rumours and I need to stop being sucked into that dark hole. I've been gossiped about and rumours have been spread about me before, & it was really difficult for me so I know what it feels like. I'm making a conscious choice to talk about others positively, or don't talk about them at all. 

Appreciate What I Have

I constantly want more, constantly have to replace something simply because I can afford it and its just a little ridiculous. I moan about the silliest things when I should honestly realise how blessed and lucky I am. Whether I'm comparing myself to others, splurging on stuff I don't need or trying to justify the fact I need a brand new Audi which I won't ever drive, I need to slap myself out of it and appreciate what I have right now.

A MEMORY..

We can't always remember everything we've been through, the happy and the sad. Memories fade and sometimes we forget the amazing and not so amazing moments we've created. I recently rummaged through old photos and memory boxes at my family home and brought a few of them back to my flat with me. I used a few in my Dear Dad.. video which I'll link, in case you are yet to see it.

I don't know why looking at old printed photos makes me feel so emotional. It might be because prints are pretty rare nowadays, or the fact I can see how happy or unhappy I was. It could be because I miss when life seemed so easy, or the fact I don't see certain people anymore. 

I thought I'd sit down today and share a memory with you, give a little context around this photo. If this goes down well I might make this a regular thing. Who knows eh!

I can't be sure but I think I was about 12 here & as you can see, I'm smiling for this photo whilst eating a packet of crisps. Was I actually happy here, I don't know. I remember this swimsuit well, purple and black with white piping and I paired it with giant black shorts because I didn't want anyone to see my thighs.. or my stomach. I also remember asking my Mum to delete this photo because my arms looked 'fat'.

Every summer, my Mum, sister and I would travel down to Bournemouth to stay with my cousin & her children for a week, and every spring I looked forward to it. Theres something about water that makes me feel calm, I look at the sea and realise how I small I am. It makes me feel content, relaxed and at peace. Fish & chips, ice cream, sand in your knickers and chasing waves.. Seaside holidays really were the best.

I look at this now and if I'm honest, not much has changed. I still love crisps lol and I still love the sea but I feel a sense of sadness knowing that at 12 I was worried about my weight. I wish I could turn back the clock and tell 12 year old Grace that she's beautiful, but I can't. I don't see my cousins much anymore, they moved further away and as I got older I guess there wasn't really a reason to go to the beach anymore. I was too busy having house parties and getting drunk on WKD lol (it happened ok). 

& life happened. Now that I'm writing this I've realised how much I want to go to the beach. How much I want to put my feet into the sea...

On a more happier note I remember singing in my rubber ring with my sister & talking with other kids as if I'd known them my entire life. Running around with wet hair, bronzed skin & being with my two favourite people in the world made me so utterly happy. I felt free & compared to now, I very much was.

PS. As if I was eating ready salted crisps. Its all about salt & vinegar haha.

HOP & CLEAVER

Just before Christmas I took a short break from life and popped on a train to Newcastle. I stayed for a few days with my girl Emma, and those few days consisted of sleeping, pampering, shopping and eating. Did you expect anything else from me? Didn't think so lol.

On one evening Emma suggested that we visit a local place called Hop & Cleaver and after looking at the menu online and seeing mac n cheese, ribs and milkshakes - I was sold. Obviously.

For starters I had the Hop & Cleaver way of doing potato skins. I kinda loved it, kinda hated it too. It was tasty and all but a little too much. It was ridiculously rich and quite sickly because of the insane amount of cheese, but the crunch of spring onions and the fluffy potatoes sort of made me finish it? Im obviously just a pig who doesn't like wasting money HAHAHA.

For my main course I had the bbq ribs with chips, mac n cheese & coleslaw. Honest to God these ribs were probably one of the best ribs I've ever had. They were juicy and meaty - not a fan of ribs with very little meat on & there were as meaty as they come. I actually couldn't finish them but they were so so so sooooo good. Full of flavour and cooked to perfection. The meat literally fell off the bone. Chips are chips but I love chips (everyone knows this) and they get a thumbs up from me. I was little disappointed with the mac n cheese, WHERE IS THE CRUSTY, DRY, GRILLED CHEESE ON TOP? I was genuinely devastated but in all honesty, the flavour made up for it. The mac n cheese had green chillies in it so the kick and flavour was outstanding - I cleared the bowl, obviously. The coleslaw was pretty good too!

Like I said, I didn't finish my meal but that did not stop me from ordering an Oreo milkshake. Sadly, this looked better than it tasted. It was alrite, but numerous times I've definitely had a lot better!

If you're ever in Newcastle give this place a go. I heard the chicken & waffles are superb!

ROLL NECKS

Besides not being able to avoid makeup marks - roll necks are just the best aren't they? I saw this one in Primark, tried it on and genuinely felt a flutter of happiness. Comfortable yet stylish clothes are my jam & when I find an item like that I literally jump for joy. I love looking good but with my go getta on the go lifestyle I also have to feel comfy. Its freezing in the UK at the moment with snow forecast to hit tomorrow (snow day anyone?) so warmth is definitely key, as well as being cosy. Roll necks are perfect because they look bangin' but they're also practical. For me, I like them pretty plain, chunky and oversized as I find that works best for my body shape. Paired with jeans and converse, or tights and boots, roll neck tops or roll neck dresses - they're honestly for everyone.

ILLAMASQUA SKIN BASE

Im always pretty hesitant to try out foundations. With the worlds most sensitive skin, thats also pretty prone to rashes, I usually stick to what I know. My skin tone & texture changes quite a lot too so finding foundations that work for me is tbh, a ball ache.

I've had my eye on a few foundations over the last few months including Charlotte Tilbury Magic Foundation, Dior Star Fluid Foundation and todays topic, Illamasqua Skin Base. All 3 had positive feedback from friends and raving reviews from beauty bloggers, but after walking through Selfridges and having the warmest welcome from the team at Illamasqua - thats where I decided to spend some money.

I find the coverage of Illamasqua Skin Base great, but it doesn't last very well without a primer or a setting powder. For that I use the Nars Pro Prime & Nars Light Reflecting Setting Powder. I often get an oily T-Zone but this combo works great for me. The coverage is wonderful, medium but build-able with a flawless finish. The foundation itself is smooth and lightweight so it blends seamlessly across the skin. I also need to add that I have never found a foundation to match my skin tone as well as this one has. Im not particularly dark, but I am mixed race so my undertone is slightly yellow and I find a lot of foundations (especially drugstore, shade intended) have pink or orange undertones which is a big fat NO from me. On a whole, a lot of foundations just don't match to my skin so having an easy experience with this one was a pleasant surprise. For a day to day, no fuss face this is the foundation I go for! It looks fresh, dewy & natural - perfect!

Illamasqua Skin Base (SB 13) £32.50

10 IMPORTANT LIFE LESSONS

Life has a way of teaching you lessons, and lessons sometimes you wish you didn't have to learn. With the success of my blog and my ever growing social following I have sort of become a 'role model', an inspiration if you wish. Many people feel that being a 'role model' or a social influencer means that you have a responsibility to be squeaky clean, to be approachable and to be positive & happy all the time. Other people think being a 'role model' means you shouldn't swear, you shouldn't drink alcohol and you certainly shouldn't tweet 'I f***ing hate avocado' (I don't hate it, I love it but thats besides the point) because someone, somewhere will take offence. 

However, being a role model to me is making mistakes, admitting failures, jumping in with your eyes closed and most importantly, being yourself. I swear, I sometimes say things without thinking & I eat my body weight in Cadbury's chocolate when I'm sad but thats who I am and I'm okay with that. Im only human and if I didn't make mistakes then I simply wouldn't grow & being me has got me pretty far. I didn't wake up one day and tell myself 'Grace, its time to be a role model', I told my story & I've continued to be open and honest with things that I've experienced and I guess a lot of people can relate to that. 

I've learned a lot about who I am, especially in the last year or so and I wanted to just be upfront about certain situations and lessons life has taught me. I am my own worst enemy and although I'm pretty confident, I struggle with acceptance and shame (I hate feeling exposed). Hindsight is a wonderful thing and upon reflection over the last few months, here are my 10 Important Life Lessons.

1. People Will Believe Anything

School, work, the internet - everyone loves a drama & people will believe all the negatives about you, yet question the positives. Throughout my life I've had people make up stories about me, I'm talking literally pulling something out of thin air and claiming I said it, I did or I am it.. I'm not gonna lie, it hurts but you have to move on. People will honestly believe anything & its a waste of time trying to prove yourself.

2. Procrastination Is Very Real

Its also the bloody devil too. I cannot tell you how many days I've lost days because I've chosen to watch Netflix, go for a pamper day when I should be working OR simply make countless amounts of Spotify playlists for a road trip I probably won't go on for months. Being productive is a huge priority to me and procrastination completely ruins that. Sometimes you've just gotta block social media, turn off your phone and get s**t done!

3. You Can't Run From Your Past Forever

Theres certain aspects of my past that haunt me, just thinking about them makes me feel slightly sick. Im in a good place with who I am now but I still hate thinking about my past. It became apparent a few months ago that I needed to deal with stuff head on and thats what I'm in the process of doing now. You can't run from the past forever, no matter how hard you try. You are not Usain Bolt haha.

4. Confidence Will Change Your Life

If I could tell my younger self one thing it would be 'find your confidence and you can conquer  anything'. Confidence with who you are, your morals, your flaws, your body & your mind will literally catapult you into a world full of happiness & appreciation. I wasted years and years and years hating who I was, hiding who I wanted to be, to only just become her later on. If I accepted who I was earlier in my life I would have experienced a lot less pain.

5. You Must Enjoy The Little Things

Last week, in the middle of winter I was boob deep in the Mediterranean Sea (after much persuasion obvs) and it felt so good. The sand between my toes, the brisk sea air & the laughter of people around me. Spending time with people who I love dearly and who love me equal amounts is something I often take for granted. The smallest things can make us smile and on that particular day, well I hadn't smiled like that in a long time. I was stuck in a hole of self pity and worry but letting down my guard and just enjoying what was around me made all the difference. The little things that make you happy, yeah - do more of that. 

6. Mums Know Best (most of the time)

It pains me to say this but I guess this means I'm officially a grown up now lol? Mums really do know best (most of the time). If they think a friend isn't good for you, months, maybe years later, you'll realise the same. If your Mum says 'put on a jacket or you'll get a cold', best believe in a weeks time you'll be curled up on your sofa wishing for her homemade chicken soup. Listen to your mama more - she's not stupid ;)

7. Life Is Unfair

The older I get the more this resonates with me. When my auntie passed away with cancer I cried and I cried, I wished and I wished that it had been someone else, someone who deserved it. When I couldn't sleep at night I would look to the sky and ask whoever was up there 'Why didn't you take a rapist, or a murderer? Why did you have to take her'. Life is unfair & things won't always go the way you hoped but with every negative, its up to you to find the positive.

8. You're Always Stronger Than You Think

Humans are incredible beings. We graze our knee, the skin can repair itself. Someone breaks our heart, we learn to love again. We are stronger than we think. I've gone through days where I've sat on my bed with my head in my hands and said 'I don't know how I'm gonna do this. I can't do this, I just don't want to be here anymore. I'm sick of fighting'... the list continues. Yet every single time I think I can't go on, I seem to find strength. I seem to always pick myself up again and I guess thats because as humans, we are always stronger than we think.

9. Thoughts Become Things

Good or bad, whatever you think about you bring about. Have you thought about an ex and then suddenly he texts you? Thats because you've thought about it so much its happened. The universe works in weird yet wonderful ways and if you want something bad enough, it just might come to you. During 2015 I told myself that I would be successful & people will start to know who I am and that happened. It happens all the time and it still surprises me. Self belief is everything!

10. You Can't Please Everyone

Some people won't agree with your life choices, some people won't believe in your dreams & some people will talk bad about you. You'll be too fat for some, too thin for others, your personality too loud & your thoughts too controversial but hey - you can't please everyone. I was the type of person who wanted to be liked by everyone, who wanted to have a large group of friends and have respect from people I barely even knew. I realised quite recently thats just not real life, its just not feasible. You won't be liked by everyone and thats okay. You cannot go through life worried about what other peoples opinions are of you because quite frankly, it doesn't matter. Love those who love you and more importantly, love yourself. 'You can't please everyone. You are not a jar of Nutella'.

Im really enjoying sharing my thoughts and musings with you. Im also debating about writing a post about bettering myself and accepting my wrong doings. Is that something you'd be interested in?

6 OUTFITS FROM 2015

Looking through my 2015 outfits has left me feeling so disappointed and annoyed. I definitely felt like I was in a complete style rut and looking back has proved that. I was either in a bikini (which isn't a bad thing) or in pyjamas, there wasn't much else lol. I know its a really silly thing to get down about, but I love fashion and I feel like I've completely fallen off the style bandwagon. I've stopped dressing like 'me', whatever me is and I just feel so lost. 

I guess in 2015 I just didn't love fashion as much as I did in previous years. It may have been the fact that I decided to spend money on other things or that the shops just haven't been selling items I loved. It may be that everything around me is evolving and I'm struggling to evolve my style with it. Or it could just be that I've lost the ability to put pieces together and invest in great basics. Whatever it is, I'm not having it in 2016. Fashion has always been something I've enjoyed and I want to get my love for it back. I miss those mornings where I put together a killer outfit and posed for outfit pictures. I also miss shopping and getting that Christmas morning excitement whenever I receive a package.

I've hired a photographer in the hopes of shooting some amazing outfits that I can share right here. Im super excited about it. Lets hope the New Year brings new ideas to slay in the fashion department.

Outfits (Above)

1. I wore this outfit to death. Super comfortable and pretty and also a great choice for days where I have a ton of meetings and then a few events. I miss wearing hats!

2. When I put this outfit together I literally wanted to cry with joy. Effortless but comfortable and really stylish. I wore this to the Style Haul Beauty Con party & when I posted it on Instagram it received such lovely compliments. The shoes are so fab but they caused me a lot of pain lol.

3. 2015 whizzed by and me and Simon rarely spent quality time together - date nights just didn't happen. This was a rare evening we spent in London staying and reviewing a new hotel. I wanted to look good, but again be comfortable with minimal effort. An oversized shirt from Topshop was what I opted for & after having these heels for a few years now, I still love em'.

4. I love this outfit and I think I might re-wear it but re-vamp it too. Checked shirts, slogan jumpers and black boots are continuing to grow in my wardrobe. This TLC jumper is everything! In fact, anything off the shoulder I adore.

5. This Missguided jacket has been my most popular item in 2015. I was looking at stats the other day and I can't believe how many of you purchased it after I featured it. Its statement, stylish and easy to wear with monochrome outfits. I wear mine dressed up, dressed down and anything in between. Its also available in an array of colours. The khaki one is next on my list!

6. I remember feeling super confident and sexy in this Boohoo number. Please don't mention how brown I am because it makes me super sad that I'm now pale lol. I was lucky enough to be able to spend most of my summer in beautiful sunny countries - this was taken in Greece. The fit, the colours & the pattern are everything and the lace up sandals also really compliment this dress. Roll on summer 2016 so I can whack this baby on again.

RUM KITCHEN

Im not usually a fan of Caribbean restaurants. The food is usually greasy and oily, poor quality and just not as good as my nan's. I am yet to be impressed by any commercial chains, the occasional family run place sometimes, but Rum Kitchen has left me wow'd. 

For a little celebration and catch up during December the girls and I visited Rum Kitchen, just off Carnaby St in Kingly Court. The menu is small but impressive and after choosing the ribs, I was eagerly awaiting the arrival of my food. Now, for drinks, I'm more often than not all about Diet Coke, but when I see cocktails I am easily lead astray. Yup, at 2pm I was drinking rum punch but can you blame me? Yup, by 4pm, I was slightly drunk. If you enjoy cocktails that are sweet and not too strong, then you're gonna love this place. I was knocking back this punch as if it were water and I have absolutely no regrets.

With my ribs I ordered, rice & peas and coleslaw and it was honestly, beautiful. The rib meat was spicy but slightly sweet, it fell off the bone and was super super chunky. I can't stand skinny ribs (no discrimination intended). The rice and peas were coconutty - full of flavour! The coleslaw, creamy, crunchy and cooling - the perfect addition and contrast to the rest of my meal. Its 11.17 as a write this and I am yet to eat breakfast :( I'm salivating. 

The staff were witty, funny & friendly. The atmosphere buzzing and electric. The music was also pretty awesome, I was definitely transported to Jamaica or some other Caribbean Island. I would 100% come back to Rum Kitchen - my taste buds were thoroughly tantalised and my bank balance is still intact, Perf!

CHANGES IN 2016

I know everyone's probably SICK of reading posts about how their year went, and/or what they are expecting from this one. Although for me, I could read these types of posts again and again and again. Im nosy, I love feeling uplifted and I like someone to put me in a mood where I feel like I could kick someone or somethings butt! I still need to write my 2015 reflections post but I can't get my thoughts down at the moment so for now, I'm looking to the future.

For me, the start of a New Year is the start of something new. Even though I may not know what 2016 has in store for me yet, the excitement and anticipation is very real. Right now I can't quite see how 2016 will top last year but I can only hope, work hard and cross everything thats crossable. Whatever happens, I hope I'm smiling.

Therapy
I can't remember if I told you guys (I think I did) but I'm back at therapy. After months and months of of back and forth with doctors and different services, I am finally having weekly sessions. My therapist is bloody awesome and only after a few sessions, I feel like I am beginning to understand myself more. I won't go into details right now about the issues I have been having because therapy is a really private thing for me and I take it very seriously. Im in quite a vulnerable place at the moment but when I feel ready, you know me - I'll talk haha.

The Body Coach
Initially, this is something I didn't plan on sharing but hey ho, maybe it will help or inspire some of you? I've gained a lot of weight over the past few months & for various different reasons. One of the reasons being, I literally can't stop eating. Ive taken measures in terms of understanding why I binge eat and why my eating is so disordered but to understand food and what I should be eating, as well as exercises to make me feel good, I have signed up to The Body Coach. I've thought about doing this for about a year and a few weeks ago I took the plunge so that I could start January off the way I want to. Im actually more nervous than excited right now because of all the change thats going on around me but I'm positive this will help towards smashing 2016.

Angel Healing
I know some of you are laughing right now or whispering 'WTF', so I'll keep this one short lol. I've decided I want this year to be more focused on my personal life than my work life. I am 100% a workaholic and 2015 proved that but for 2016, I want to find myself a little more & I want to learn how to just 'be'. Im not religious, but I'm incredibly spiritual and I want to tap into that side of me. Angel Healing claims to bring balance & harmony to ones life and boy, do I need it.

Travel More
If I could travel the world I would and one day I hope I can. For now though, city breaks and a touch of paradise will do. At the moment I've booked Paris, Amsterdam & the Dominican Republic and I'm also off to Portugal with a brand. I am super excited to relax, explore and immerse myself in different cultures. I also hope to visit Barbados, Copenhagen & Barcelona. Travelling is so important to me and instead of buying those shoes, I'll book that trip. (we both know i'll do both right? haha)

Believe In My Ability
The blogging world has seriously changed and although I've made fantastic progress within it, I can't help but feel slightly out of sort at times. Comparison is the root to all evil but I'm only human and sometimes I just can't help myself. I don't want to feel like I have to up my game every single week, but I do want to better my content, my writing and my consistency. I don't agree that every blogger should have a Vogue style blog, a perfectly themed Instagram and Youtube videos edited by the editing Gods, (HOW IS THAT EVEN ACHIEVABLE??? DO YOU HAVE MORE HOURS IN YOUR DAYS - YOU MUST LOL). What I do agree with though is pushing yourself and believing in your abilities. I'm very good at is making others feel good about themselves so for this year I want to use that part of me more. I don't need to be like her, or that girl, I just need to be myself.