I think its fair to say that a huge downside to running your own business or simply living in society today, is feeling like there is always something to do and always more that could be done. As I write this post, I still haven't showered, I'm sat in my pjs at 11am & there is copious amounts of washing up to do. I feel guilty and lazy and like I need to put on a full face of makeup and get on top of filming videos, taking photos, editing a vlog I've been putting off and everything else I should probably be doing. Even though I'm reaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllyyyyy not in the mood to do anything at all.
Yesterday's therapy session has left me feeling a little wounded. I feel extra vulnerable and drained and sad and I would love nothing more than to run away for a while and hide from the world (or at least people that know who I am). I just can't get motivated and I feel like I'm simply not doing enough.
Yes I'm busy, pretty much all of the time. Yes I have a healthyish (LOL) bank balance. Yes I'm getting enough work and opportunities. Yes I just wrote a book. Yes I post weekly and upload videos when I can. Yes I tweet daily and post most days on Instagram and yes I meet new & old brands frequently. So why do I feel this way? Why am I putting so much pressure on myself to force things & do even more?
I guess I know what I'm capable of but I'm frustrated that my brain capacity can't handle being overwhelmed, because my mental health isn't 100% right now. I'm also due on so I feel lethargic and more emotional than usual, yay to being a woman. But the leading factor in feeling this way, is because I'm seeing how much other people are doing. Or should I say, how much other people look like they're doing.
Comparison is inevitable - we're only human after all, but in comparing myself to others, I'm left feeling like I 'shit.. I should probably do that or start doing this and omfg I'm a failure of a human being'.
I wish I could take outfit photos everyday and curate a dreamy Insta feed. I wish I could drink coffee in a peaceful aesthetically pleasing cafe and live the good ol' freelance life. I wish I could afford a dreamy new lens and take outstanding beauty shots of makeup and face masks and cute little bath bombs. I wish I could upload videos twice a week (like I fucking promised myself and my followers that I would). I wish I could hire a crew to help me film a sick ass fashion video and I wish I could get my life together and save for a house and stop ordering new clothes from ASOS. I wish I could do it all, I wish I could do what I am doing, but all of the other stuff too, but I can't.
But that doesn't mean I'm not doing enough.
Photography by JKG | jkgphotography.co.uk
I go above and beyond to make sure I can pay my bills, whilst also making sure I have my eyes set on the bigger picture - y'know.. making my dreams come true and all of that. I may not be doing what other bloggers or freelancers are doing, but I'm doing what Grace should be doing and that is enough. I'm trying to push myself and work hard, but I'm also aware of how important self care & having me time is. I guess I'm just figuring out the work/life balance whilst also being honest with myself and what I can and can't do.
I'm doing the very best I can and that IS enough.
I SO needed this reminder today! I've been beating myself up all afternoon for not having enough time to head to the gym, and I've ignored the fact that I've done about twice as much as I normally do in a day today. Thank you. Also, your new hair is AMAZING
ReplyDeleteSteph - www.nourishmeblog.co.uk
"I may not be doing what other bloggers or freelancers are doing, but I'm doing what Grace should be doing and that is enough." - That really got me. I am constantly comparing myself to everyone and anyone and I really need to fucking stop because although I am not doing what Peter, Sarah and Jane are doing, "I'm doing what Lisa should be doing and that is enough". Thank you <3 xx
ReplyDeleteI'm loving this dress! One of the most important lessons in life is to stop comparing yourself to others. You are different in the best way possible, just like how everyone else is different. x http://www.justsavxnnah.com
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing!! Do whatever you need to do girl, whether that means taking it easy until your mental health has improved or pushing yourself for bigger goals! Do what works for you x
ReplyDeleteAbi | abistreetx
Love this post, this really resonates with me at the moment. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Also love this look too :)
ReplyDeleteVioletDaffodils
xx
Loved this post! I struggle with comparing myself to my friends who to me, seems like they are living the life. But what I have grown to realize is that we are all on different paths and (although it may take long) my time will come soon!
ReplyDeleteLove the outfits! Looking forward to more posts:)
My name is Mary Silva, I just split up with my boyfriend of 7 years. We were great together, completely in love and talked about marriage and growing old together, we traveled the world together, everyone knows us as a perfect couple, we never fought always laughed together… however the last 2 years have been very difficult. We have been living together for over 5 years but the last 2 years have been a stressful living situation as I had to take in a friend that was in need. I also started my own business which kept me extremely busy. I am completely devastated, hurt, lost and just want him back. I love him completely. We had a few discussions before he left about trying to work things out, and he felt I took him for granted…I had stopped treating him with appreciation and love. I agreed that I have to be more romantic and be an equal partner in the relationship. Over the course of the following days I showed him love and appreciation, treated him like I had done in the past however he still wanted out. he said he needed time and space to figure out what he wants. I told him I would not give up on us but I would give him space that he wanted. he said he still loved me and care a lot about me but was just hurting.i was totally down because i need my man back one day a friend of my introduce me to a spell caster online who lift me up gave me hope and with-in two days after his spell my man who told me he needed space, call me and come back home to me i must say today we are happily married not only married but have two lovely kids all thanks to Dr happy a father and a real spell caster.
ReplyDeleteContact email address happylovespell2@gmail.com
Call and Whats-App him +2348133873774
Also contact and know more about his service at http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/
How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........
ReplyDeleteI am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR. his phone number: +2348108737816.
I love heart felt and honest posts like this! Its what motivated me to start my own blog and talk about my own feelings and become open. Thank you Grace. Cant totally relate to not feeling like you have done enough but thas just because you want to be successful and push yourself. Sometimes you need to take a step back and see how much you already have achieved! X
ReplyDelete